


Things We Lost In The Fire

by Nevcolleil



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 18:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1194393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<i>In the end, the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too</i>." - Katniss, Mockingjay</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things We Lost In The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompts 'comfort', 'lost' and 'hold on'.

"She's gonna lose it when she hears about the boy," he says when they're in the air, because that's all that he can do. He can't make them turn the ship around; he can't put words to his own feelings. He has to hold it together. He's gotta be the one to tell Katniss - he owes them both that much. 

He has to be there for their girl... even if all he can do is hold her as she falls apart, and let her get in a few, good licks before Finnick helps him put her down.

"You promised! You're a liar! You promised! Peeta, _not_ me!"

Haymitch can't even say that he's sorry; that he tried, because it's true, but it doesn't mean anything.Nothing means anything without that kid; the others just don't understand.

' _You're a liar! You promised you'd save him_!' Haymitch can still hear her screams while she's sleeping them off.

Weeks later, he closes his eyes and he still sees Peeta's face - Peeta's smile - the day Peeta made him promise the same thing he'd promised Katniss, but in reverse.

'When the time comes? She lives. Alright, Haymitch? You choose her.'

The kid was so damned happy when Haymitch gave his word. Haymitch vowed in the middle of a kiss and bit at Peeta 's lips. He was more pissed off than he could say - their last time together, just the two of them, was sad and angry or, in Peeta 's case, resigned but grateful - and Haymitch was helpless to do anything about it.

He feels that same, useless rage now, and he can't even channel it into sex or drown it in alcohol. Coin's got a lockdown on liquor - "medicinal purposes only", she says, like Haymitch's pain isn't a real, physical thing - and Katniss comes to him every night, but not for that.

Things aren't right between them, without Peeta there. It's not just Kat's anger or Haymitch's guilt - Peeta wasn't one side of some love triangle; he was the base of a 'T' - the thing that held the three of them together and made them make sense. Katniss comes to his room every night and just lies with him. They don't touch. They don't speak much. It's like they've forgotten what to do with themselves when they aren't fighting, but of course, this is actually the opposite of that problem. This is the opposite of forgetting.

The first time Haymitch and Katniss have sex, after the Quarter Quell, in fact, is the day that Gale radios home and says that the rescue mission was a success. They go back to Haymitch's quarters and wait for Gale to bring back their boy by relearning themselves in the meantime. Katniss tugs at Haymitch's hair while they kiss, just as she always has, and Haymitch squeezes her breasts while she rides him.

When he closes his eyes, Haymitch can picture Peeta straddling his thighs just behind Katniss, smiling down at Haymitch over her shoulder, with his strong hands wrapped around her tiny waist. He wants it so bad, Haymitch shakes, for a long while after his orgasm has finished.

The next day, Peeta wakes up shouting profanities and tries to strangle Kat to death.

Haymitch watches, so devastated he nearly falls to his knees.

They keep having sex, but it's an empty, unhappy thing - at least until Haymitch confronts Katniss about how she's treated Peeta since he came back. 

The next morning, Peeta sees Katniss coming out of Haymitch's quarters. He's still standing there, in the hall, when Haymich emerges, Katniss hightailing it away from Peeta's angry face.

"So... she's got you, too," Peea says, sounding just as bitter and lost as he has in the weeks since they "rescued" him.

He sounds like something else, though, too - something Haymitch has never heard from him. Jealous. it'd be hot if it didn't hurt like a goddamned knife to Haymitch's chest.

He doesn't even care if Peeta freaks out and kills him. He's on the boy in a blink, shoves him roughly against the wall at Peeta's back, and watches the kid's eyes go wild.

Then he crashes their mouths together.

He gives Peeta the deepest, dirtiest kiss he can manage with his throat closing up and his hands shaking.

When he pulls back, Peeta looks like himself for maybe the first time since the hijacking. Specifically, he looks like himself when he's completely shocked and really, fucking confused.

Despite their quiver, Haymitch feels his lips curve, almost into a smile.

"You've both got me. Don't remember that either?" he asks.

Peeta stares. And then he shakes his head. 

"Well, you just come on back here when you get ready for some help with that."

Haymitch makes himself walk away before he does something stupid, like _beg_ the boy to remember him - remember them. But Peeta doesn't hurl insults or denials at his back as he walks away, and the silence gives Haymitch something more painful than a knife. More deadly than the Capitol.  
Hope.

He finds Katniss right away, and doesn't let her say anything. He just looks her straight in the eyes, and he picks up the conversation they'd started the night before as if it never finished.

"You and me, we made a deal to try and save him," he repeats. "I _promised_ I would," Haymitch says, and he means every word. "You can do what you want, but I'm not giving up on that. _I'm_ not giving up on him."

Katniss is silent, too, as he stalks away from her, but Haymitch isn't bothered. For the first time since the Capitol made him a Victor, and took everything else away from him, Haymitch feels like there's something he can do that no one can stop him from doing or that won't be too little, too late.

He can hold on.

And these kids gave him something to hold on to, before Haymitch got with the program. He figures the least that he can do is return to the favor.


End file.
